What?

Ignore all your messages. Snaps. DMs. Texts. Whatever. Ignore them all.

Not forever, maybe, but for a while. And no, I don’t mean that you should turn your phone off to focus on something else, or do a “detox” or anything like that.

I mean get the notification, see the message come in (maybe read it in full, maybe not), and ignore it.

There are surely some who view such behavior as chaotic and rude. But is it?

Let’s imagine another time, an era gone by, an earlier eon. Say, the year 1995. Just before texting became a thing. A time when you had two main options for communicating with other people easily – seeing them in person, and speaking with them over the phone.

Sure, I was not alive at this point in time, but I think it is safe to assume that in this earlier world, the person receiving the message had an advantage. Let me explain.

If someone wanted to speak with you, they had to either:

• Approach you in person, which takes far more confidence and courage.
• Call you over the phone, which you have the option of not picking up.

In both of these cases, the person being reached out to has all the power.

In person, only the people who really wanted to speak with you, and likely had something important to say, actually would. The rest would otherwise not be comfortable doing so, or not have something important enough on their mind to force their hand.

As for calling over the phone, the situation is the same. However, if you know the person who is calling, and don’t want to speak with them, you can simply not pick up. By doing this, in essence, you’ve blocked them. The only way they could tell you what they had to say is if you were interested in hearing them – by picking up.

The Changing World

Messaging, however broadly it is defined, changes everything.

It enables people to tell you what they want to, regardless of whether you are interested. It allows people to get in your head, because even if you don’t want to respond, you will still see the message they send, and think about it.

Perhaps more dangerously, it gives people a sense of entitlement to your time and attention.

“I saw their message, but I really don’t want to respond. Still, it would be rude not to, so I will anyways.”

Furthermore, many people can delude themselves into thinking that you simply did not see their message, and assume that you are interested in speaking with them, when you are not.

Take a Stand (and Control)

Enough.

I’m an extrovert. An extreme extrovert. In Myers-Briggs personality tests I’ve taken, my extrovert-introvert percentage is usually 95%-5%.

In other words, I have no idea how introverts think and act in social situations, how they view other people, or where they get their energy from. But I prefer to be an extrovert on my terms.

Nobody is entitled to your time, nobody. You are not actually required to respond to any message at all. You are not even required to read them.

I should note that this does not necessarily translate over to in-person interaction – it can often be seen as rude to ignore someone when they are trying to speak to you.

However, the key difference here is that if someone is willing to approach you in person, it is likely that what they have to say is far more important and/or interesting than that which someone sends over a text.

Going off of that, the belief that we are required to answer every message points to a bigger problem that people have – an unwillingness to be direct.

“I don’t have time.” “Sorry, but…” “Not right now…” Anything involving the word “maybe.”

Modifiers. Words which reflect two competing feelings. The first is a lack of interest in engaging with whoever is reaching out to you, and the second is fear. Fear of offending that same person.

However, these objectives are self-defeating. If you have no desire to communicate or spend time with someone or a group of people, why leave the door open? Either ignore them completely, or tell them directly, early, that you are not interested.

This does not mean to ignore everyone all the time. Just that it is better to commit to something 10% of the time, and show up 10% of the time, than to pretend to commit 100% of the time and never show up at all.

Both Ways

No, I am not saying that we should go back to the old days. I love social media and texting, and know that they have value. What I am saying is that maybe we should value in-person interaction or verbal conversations more.

Furthermore, it goes both ways. If you’re interested in speaking with someone, go ahead and reach out to them.

But if they respond by either not responding, or by telling you they aren’t interested in what you have to say, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just as nobody is entitled to your time, you’re not entitled to that of anybody else.

If you want to be kind to people, ok. But always be kinder to yourself. And if that entails ignored red dots on your phone screen and a few hurt feelings, so be it.